Fat Has To Go

There is a lot of emotions tied up in weight loss for me. I have been hurt in so many ways by being overweight. Yet, I still struggle to lose weight. It is a tug of war within myself and at this point in time fat is winning. I’m not really sure what fat has on it’s side? How does fat get to win anyway? I hate the fat.

I desperately want to lose weight. I know how it feels to be 140 pounds. I have spent many years of my life at 140 pounds. My life was different then. I was happy . It was how I felt. I had energy, I had enthusiasm for life, I was excited every day to get up and go do something fun! I felt better in my own body. I need to find a way to stop the pain of being fat from keeping me fat. I need to find a way inside of me to forgive myself for what I have done to my body. I need to find a way to forgive others for hurting me because of my weight. I need to find a way to find peace within myself with the scale and with food. I think I am working my way through all of these emotions still. It has not been easy, but it is necessary. I believe right now that if I continue to beat myself up and hate myself for letting me get this fat that I will never be able to love myself and care about myself enough to get this weight off. This has become a bigger problem then just taking off a few pounds. For me this has become a horrible thing I have done to myself that I hate myself for.

It is all in my head. Every problem I have with losing weight is in my head. It is not about knowing what to eat, or knowing how to exercise. I KNOW what needs to be done. I just need to do it.