Feel Alive

I have felt like I can’t breath lately. I felt like there were ties holding me down and keeping me from enjoying life. I don’t know how the ties got there but I got loose tonight.

This week I got to make a list and go shopping and buy what I wanted for the first time in a long time. We had a little extra money and I got an elliptical and I am so happy about it. I have a great workout available to me day or night anytime I choose. It is sitting in our living room. I can’t go into the kitchen without looking at it. My energy has been increasing daily and I have been more active with my children.

I would love to work in research about obesity and depression. I think there has to be a physical reason that obese people are depressed. I have talked to many MD’s about this. I have gotten many different theories. Some think that depression causes the obesity. I don’t know, I really wonder sometimes if it is the obesity that causes the depression. It pulls you in and won’t let you out.

Well, I am free. I feel on top of the world. I have been working really hard to get the weight off and my weight loss has been slower then I would have hoped for. Today I thought, “Girl, you are in the zone! You really are. Because if you had not been, the lack of motivation from the scale would have been enough to make you quit.” Not now though. No matter what that stupid scale tries to say to me, I won’t listen! *hands over my ears, singing* LALALALA! I can’t hear you scale. You are wrong. My bra (hope I can say that here) is getting VERY loose, my wedding ring is not cutting off the circulation to my ring finger, and today, I think I saw an ankle bone. So, scale, YOU LOSE! I win! I stuck by myself even without your numbers of encouragement. I believed in myself and eventually you will have to give up a smaller number. If not, you will be destroyed. (Just a warning!)

The best sign of my success today though is that I feel alive! I feel in control! I feel like nothing can stop me now. I am in that beautiful place called the diet zone. I do not ever want to leave it again. It is a scary out of control place on the outside.