What is different about this time compared to all of the other times? The times that I have started then quickly given up? Or the times I started, lost 40 pounds then gained it back? Or the times I have reached my goal weight and eventually regained it all? How can I make this time different? I know all about the making it a way of life thing. I tell myself all the time, “I am not on a diet, this is how I will live.” But it is not how I live. I struggle every day to make myself stay within the boundaries set to allow weight loss. I have to work hard to convince myself to exercise. Even something as simple as drinking water is a challenge. It is almost as if I want to fail. Really, if I wanted to lose weight bad enough wouldn’t I do it? If I know that I have to eat so many calories, exercise and drink water to lose weight then why don’t I do it?
I think part of the problem is that I want to lose weight more than anything. I really do want this. What I really need to want is to put in the effort in to lose the weight. Maybe I am focusing on the wrong thing. Maybe I need to stop thinking of the goal and start thinking of the process. Maybe I need to stop saying I want to lose weight and I need to start saying... “I really want to eat well, exercise and drink water today.” Maybe I need to wake up every day and say this to myself until I believe it. Possibly the connection between my long term goals and the journey to get there has not been made. Sometimes I think I only focus on my goal because thinking of where I am now makes me sad. But I can’t ignore where I am or what I have to go through to get where I want to be.
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